Monday, September 4, 2017

Transition; A lifestyle and a finale



Today marks one month since I left Grand Bourg. This time last month I was running home to finish cleaning the house before my dear friends came to haul me away. I remember leaving with such mixed feelings. There was a part of me physically drained from a week long marathon running back and forth between Grand Bourg and Puerto Madero to obtain the proper paperwork for Penne to return with me back to the United States.
Penne made it to Chicago
Two hours there and two hours back every single day. I was also emotionally tapped out from anxiety. It would be a challenge for me on Friday morning to give my final good byes to the precious students and staff that I have grown to adore this past year. Deep in my spirit though I knew it was time to go. Under the surface I was thrilled to begin this approval process for ordination, to begin a new position in a hospital setting, and to finally move somewhere and start a normal life without Big Brother looking over my shoulder. There was so much to process in this transition that there were truly no room for words.

Moving back stateside proved to be much stranger than I originally imagined. There were plenty of nights back in Grand Bourg that I dreamed of seasoned food and amazon prime. Some times I would specifically think of using New York MTA and ordering food from the bodega. After hearing a number of stories about reverse culture shock, it became a habit for me to keep into perspective what I once knew back home. Silly- maybe. However I was not moving back to New York and I knew almost nothing about my new home in Chicago so all of this memory work I thought I was doing really did not matter much. Chicago would be an entirely different beast to battle and the transition back would be much different than I imagined.
My parents and younger sister Bri drove to Chicago to help me move.

Language: Even though english is my first language, I struggled expressing myself the first few weeks back. I would stumble on words or have to stop and fix my own grammar. I have always used phrases like “mira, pero, como se dice,” and such however I found myself using a lot more every day phrases in english conversations with strangers. The other day at a taqueria I comfortably ordered all my food and had bits of conversation with other patrons present. The Argentine dialect is a bit different than standard spanish as well so even in spanish I am trying to adjust back to certain forms so I am not looked at crazy. On both sides the readjustment has been quite entertaining.

Transit: Chicago Transit has a similar swipe system to Buenos Aires and I found myself waiting for my card balance on-boarding the bus one morning. I stood in the doorway waiting for a number to flash as the bus driver looked at me with a side eye. Uber is available in Argentina as well however after they broke the Taxi Strike at JFK I stopped using their services. Needless to say my return to the states included this very luxurious usage of Lyft. The cost of both public transit and car sharing is significantly different in the U.S. than abroad which hit my pockets much faster than I expected. Luckily my parents carried my bike from New York to Chicago which allows me the ability to opt out of driving and public transit for the time being. The style of driving and the quality of the roads and sidewalks in Grand Bourg made me hesitant from purchasing a bike for the year. I am now re-experiencing a love of mine that I have missed greatly.

Community: I moved from a predominately european/ mestizo region of Argentina into a culturally and racially diverse city in the United States. In many ways it was a breath of fresh air to see myself and familiar identities in my every day life. It was a relief to not constantly be the sore thumb in a room or to have strangers grab at my hair. Making friends has been incredibly easier and more of them exist outside of my work sphere. Previously much of my network was within San Lucas and the Greater IELU community. On the reverse side to this, I no longer live in a place where I know every store owner and employee. I am unattached to a church. There are no abuelas inviting me to lunch at their house or family asados on the weekends. I still scroll through my social networks and see family gatherings back in Grand Bourg and I wish I was still around to laugh and fellowship with them. I did not realize how much I enjoyed congregational relationships.

If you have been following my blog this year, you have seen many of my highs and lows in a parish setting. You have read or listened to my many joys in Argentina. With that being said I  cherish this year abroad serving at Iglesia de San Lucas. I am thankful for the gift of language and the synodical support in my formation. My supervisor was incredible and my site gave me exactly what I needed for my own growth. Being a Horizon International Intern made sense for me. I was challenged and allowed space to truly evaluate my call to the church. There were times during evaluation periods where people would ask me “What does this question mean? Why are they asking US this question? This seems very tedious. Nothing has changed here.” As I explained why we the ELCA do the things we do- having to verbalize many of our processes and reasoning made me also very weary of how “efficient” our process may not actually be. To see church function differently made me both critical and appreciative of how the ELCA is designed. Though we still manage as an empire in many ways, one can see the way we are slowly undoing these structures. 

To also be true to myself, I must admit that a year with Global Missions did me justice as a future leader in the ELCA. Prior to seminary I only saw myself as a full time parish pastor. I did not really know that there were so many avenues of ministry. Soon I became aware of chaplaincy in various capacities. Missionary work however still held (holds) this white savior connotation that never resonated well with me. Taking on that title and training with dozens of others who would be deployed in other countries around the world in different capacities forced me to recognize that mission work (in the ELCA) is not forcing Christ down someone’s throat in exchange for resources our neighbors may need. We work with other already established Lutheran Churches and local NGOs that partner with the people already living and doing there. We bury ourselves in accompaniment theology, training, and practice. I would have probably never been exposed to any of this if it were not for this opportunity. Because of this I can now better discern where I am called to be in this body.

What’s Next


Penne and I are now settled in our new home in Chicago. He will continue to serve as a guard cat, slayer of all mice and insects, and I have begun my position as a Chaplain Resident at a Trauma I hospital in the South Chicago area. I took on this residency to explore the field of Chaplaincy and more specifically to better understand trauma. This may come across mildly strange after reading about my community’s traumatic experience this past June. In reality I do feel called to be on the caregiving side of trauma but there were many factors involved that I was no where near prepared for while on internship; children deaths, children being my students, cultural differences in grieving, and the language barrier. June also exposed areas of growth for me. When envisioning where I want to be in my call this type of work will only be an asset.

While I serve as a Chaplain I will be in the process of receiving approval for ordination as a Minister of Word and Sacrament in the ELCA. If approved, I will be entering the assignment process which is essentially a National Draft of Lutheran Seminarian Graduates. At the moment it is still unclear of what exactly I will do but I am hoping to serve as a part- time pastor in a Latino or African Descent context while taking full employment elsewhere as either a Chaplain or in Non-Profit work. In regards to international work, I am not quite sure if the spirit is moving me to leave the U.S. so soon but I am open to opportunities that may arise. 

This chapter of my life is officially closed. #ReclaimMissionary will no longer be. For those who have followed me on this year long journey I am beyond thankful. It is my hope that you learned a bit about me and the work I love. I hope this journey has given you life to go out and do what you too are called to do. Above all I am just grateful for your companionship. Many of you have been very supportive this year and have reached out to me on numerous occasions. It  has been life giving to still be connected with my friends and family back home. I am planning to start a new writing segment entitled Chaplain Assassin. This idea developed in my first unit of Clinical Pastoral Education about a young woman working as a Chaplain while trying to escape a former unconventional life. Chaplain Assassin will be a retelling of the life in Chaplaincy trauma work while exploring the complexities of being a young person and clergy. While I am not quite sure if I am a strong enough writer to pull this off I am certain it will be a much more entertaining way to explain chaplaincy work. If you are curious to see where else life takes me then feel free to stay tuned. More information of how to read Chaplain Assassin will be posted soon.



#Reclaimed