Homesick

I may have mentioned that this was my first time living outside of the U.S. but it is also the longest I have spent without seeing my family. Though we all shared some tears before I left, I did not think it was going to be as difficult as it has been. Facetime and whatsapp have been a blessing but there is nothing like calling your mother at 2:00am for her to come pick you up from Port Authority because your laundry bag is too clumsy to carry through Midtown. 

I saw home today

In the form of 4c hair,

In "y'alls", drawls, and care

At first this solo trek from the band was fairly mild but after an entire summer of YAGM families visiting, the emptiness began to really set in. What a luxury it would be to see someone who speaks my language and not just english. Thankfully a friend of mine from the states came to the rescue. For just a moment in time Buenos Aires really felt like home.

Familiar face

For five fragments, feelings free

-free from "foreigner"

Though our American accents differed by region, fluency rang in my ears. We speak trap music, hip hop, tattoos, and art. Our eyes share perspective of being "other" not just abroad but at home. For me this prize of companionship eliminated feelings of isolation. No longer did it feel like I was photoshopped into a city but that the city accompanied us. 

Buenos Aires is

Like soy at a Barbeque

I'm fed- not nourished

For a couple of days I was able to parade my friend around the place I call home and address cultural and social differences that only another American POC would understand. It was funny almost. At times I saw the same conflict drawn on his face like mine when I first arrived. Maybe it was the vast economic disparity. Or the significant differences between Capital Federal and the Provincia. There were so many wonderful things to experience while also many things lost in translation. 

A house that talks back

Laughing without FaceTime app

I think I missed that

There was a time when my house was no longer filled with air and cat hair but with voices that bounced off of walls. Morning coffee was made for two instead of one. Breakfast was ate without netflix or playlists. Coming from a big family my house was never this quiet. Even at seminary roommates and friends were of abundance. I had not even noticed how much has shifted in my home life.

This is my home now

Friends, tongue, food, song, barrio

And this too will change

Then my friend boarded his flight in Montevideo and in a moment's notice, everything went back to the way it had been. I traveled back to Buenos Aires on bus, ferry, and train with a headphone in my ear while watching the time change. There was no one to whisper to about the strange things I saw on the ride home. Then I slept in my bed the next morning and woke up to any empty house. Of course there was Penne and Cannoli but even they become mute. During this visit there were times that made me feel at home but the reminiscing of the States also reminded me that this too will come to an end. Again, I will pick up and change the place that I call "home". As much as I love an adventure, it seems a bit unsettling. Literally, it is a life that is unsettled. 

What I have learned from this is that being alone sucks. As a verbal processor and extrovert, I am beyond thankful to have brought Penne with me because I think he helped me settle into this quiet living. His presence made everything feel a bit less strange. However after having a taste of my normalcy again, I realize how different my lifestyle has really been and companionship (whether friends or family) has been missing. People. I love people. Even though my job allows me to interact with all different types of people, it's just not the same. For the rest of my time here, I'll certainly manage. But I look forward to not having to do this alone for much longer.

#ReclaimMissionary